Day 18, Sunday, September 6, 2009

No blog yesterday. Why? Can't remember...does it matter? No. I have one direction...NOW and forward. Wait! Is that two directions?

Speaking of direction, for someone who is normally more in their head and feels better about them self for being "smart" (yeah, if I'm so smart...) I am really appreciative for this 100-day focus on living from my heart or in my mind heart being symbolic of coming more from love than what is the smart choice.

When I am not in the moment (especially if I am involved in something that needs my full attention), I note is most when I am in fear. Worry is a form of fear. Feeling like if I don't see it now in my physical realm then how will it be there when I want it in my physical realm in the future is a form of fear. And if I am in fear, I am not in love. Worry is not a form of love. And I'll say it, I don't feel sacrifice is actually a form of love as much as we'd like to think it is.

I think living a life of divine love in body, mind and spirit means that you live abundantly and so the open-heart, divine love life would be win/win.

What amazes me sometimes is the thoughts I have been having these days. I already said I don't really enjoy the energy of the word challenge. Would divine love really necessitate a challenge? I'd like to think, "no". So I am calling this a journey.

As I was pondering this, it occurred to me since we are asked to set intentions/goals a sort of chicken/egg kind of thing. My intention, of course, is to live life with a more open heart. I didn't even dare to assume at the end of just 100 days I could expect to have journeyed all the way to a full open heart. Interesting.

Do I really know what that would look like, so to speak? How do I really know if I have arrived? Can I assume that like a GPS or mapquest or Jack Canfield that as I take a step needing to only see the next 200 yards ahead, I will be guided to my destination?

Or if the truth is as I also suspect that as a child of the divine I am already flowing and glowing well-being and so if I don't see or experience myself this way then do I really need to go anywhere so much as I need to wake up and clean and clear all the mistaken ways I experience myself so I can see, like Dorothy, I had it all along and I just need a nudge from another to see I've had it all along (the ability to live my life with a full open-heart...to live my life divinely in every moment)?

Please know I don't relook these over for English or grammar errors. I write it as it comes out of my head.

And what is my motivation?

Why would I even desire to do this?

And I will be honest that much of my motivation is that I feel my life will be more naturally joyous by changing my consciousness in this manner. Again, though, how will I know. And I think to a certain extent ('cuz our minds are very much question answering mechanisms even if the answer isn't what you want to hear or may not even be divine truth...in other words a lie), as one of my Facebook Friends identifies herself as living a charmed life, I feel like this is how I will feel about my life by committing to this journey. Since I don't wish to be a copy-cat and very much appreciate non-conformity, I didn't want to use "charmed" which is why I mention "divine".

Truth is and I don't really know where it has come from, I would like to reach God-consciousness and/or unearth it from within. That's where I was inspired to call it my "divine" life. And someone else may actually already be using it, but since I don't know about them and so am not intentionally copying...I am going to adopt this for myself.

And if I am really honest with myself, (as I feel I have written earlier) I can see that my pursuit of spirituality is rooted in my desire to love myself more fully and divinely. I'm not sure where this came from. And perhaps LOVE is just that strong that we are instinctively drawn to what feels more like love.

So I find it interesting as I muse about how it is easy for me to love myself when I feel like I am being a "good" girl, so to speak, which includes anytime I am practicing my spirituality or open-heart love. What about when I am not? I can see I am still in knee-jerk, collective consciousness mode where I then judge and self-punish or self-limit.

My point...it is easy to love when every thing is hunky-dory. Not so much so otherwise. I have put it out there that I would love to work with women and men who have body appreciation and love issues. It seems we are so messed up with our beliefs here with so many mixed messages. It seems from my observations that we feel to look beautiful or hot or sexy or desirable or any words like that, it must in some way involve pain or sacrifice or whatever. And I am not just speaking about overweight people. I am talking about bulemics and anorexics. And for women especially, the pull and tug between wanting to seem desirable to some and not wanting to seem desirable to others and or the fear of rape and abuse and the like. Or that their beauty and youth is what is really their ticket to love and/or being supported by a man and what happens if they lose that just to name a few things.

I love when I take a class on attracting wealth and one of the things that always seems to come up is that most people feel they only deserve wealth if they work really, really hard at something they hate and that others feel is the way you should get money. So I was surprised to find that I had actually found myself having a belief surface that I deserved to have fat in certain parts of my body or cellulite or anything like that because I love ice cream and refuse not to eat it.

And I know from what Abraham Hicks talks about and others who are more spiritually clear than I (at least two others that I trust) that because it really is an inside game and technically there is no deserve or even don't deserve...there's simply what is IS (a match to your current consciousness). I mean I also noticed that I would not judge someone eating ice cream if they are thin, but if I think they are fat...my knee-jerk is they shouldn't be eating that.

It isn't the ice cream. It's our beliefs about the ice cream. And it shows how powerful we actually are. Ice cream takes its cue from us. If we think we can eat it and stay thin and we eat it with love, etc., then we will. If we eat it and think it is going to keep us fat or make us fat or we deserve to be fat 'cuz we eat it...then if we aren't fat yet, chances are we will be.

It brings me full circle to being in the moment as much as I am able to allow myself and loving everything, including myself. Love. Love. Love. Love is always the answer. Love is the most powerful solvent. Love is a heart thing and not a mind thing.

It brings me to flowing and glowing well-being 'cuz this is really the truth of who I am. And like squidoo that I just found out about and am impressed with because they talk about lenses and they already have a tradition of giving...so I am going to put up an inspired giving page on Squidoo. But part of loving myself is seeing myself NOW as more of the Dorothy metaphor where I am being helped to understand that I have always been flowing and glowing well-being. And it is by unearthing this and continuing to EYEdentify more and more with this truth of me that not only will I see my life as full of flowing and glowing well-being, I will be flowing and glowing with well-being.

So does it really matter if I am on a journey to or in the process of unearthing who I already am...as long as when the 100 days is up I am living more of the divine, open-heart life it was my desire to live? What do you think?

P.S. I am still promoting the 090909 currency cleanse. I'm not sure I would know what a world flowing with global fiscal fitness would look like or be like either...in truth...when I try to imagine it. It's just that since love the most powerful solvent, I gotta figure it can't hurt. To find out more, go to www.friendsofthelawofattraction.com and click on the currency cleanse page. Or click here.